Read Old Hey Ladies! From The Toast! (New)

Below is the first ever installment of the series that would become HEY LADIES! on The Toast, published August 3, 2013. Because The Toast is no longer online, we wanted to put “bachelorette party emails” here so it could live forever.

Keep in mind: characters names and situations changed as we went from series to book, but this should give you a good idea of what HEY LADIES! is is all about. Enjoy!

(PS. For those wondering, the book is 100% all brand new material!)

To: Katie; <Kate Work>; Allison; charlotte.smith857@gmail.com; Lily; Hannah; Caitlin; Ashley; Morgan L.

 

From: Ali

 

Date: March 19th, 2013

 

Subject: Jen’s Bachelorette!

 

 

Hi Ladies!  (including friends and bride’s obligatory cousins we will later ostracize!)

SO excited for Jen’s bachelorette party weekend!!!!!!  We are gonna get so cray, lol!

 

Logistics:  Let’s plan this near a holiday weekend, but not on a holiday weekend, so you still have to take multiple days off work!

 

OPTIONS LOL:

 

Las Vegas/ AC

 

Paris

 

Southern Portugal (Northern Portugal is SOOOO college, LOL)

 

What’s that country near the Somali pirates??

 

Jen’s parents cabin upstate, which is my least favorite, but I thought I’d throw it out there if anyone’s on a budget. Obvi there will be mandatory stripper, pole-dancing, and how to blowjob while stripping and pole-dancing classes we will partake of!

 

I think this bouncer who texts me randomly should be able to hook us up with VIP rooms at clubs, lol.

 

What do you guys think????

 

– Ali

 

 

“It’s a Wednesday night baby and I’m alive!” – Lena Dunham, Girls

 

_____________________

 

 

 

 

To: Ali

 

CC: <Kate Work>; Allison; charlotte.smith857@gmail.com; Lily; Hannah; Caitlin; Ashley; Morgan L.

 

From: Katie

 

Date: March 23rd, 2013

 

Subject: Re: Jen’s Bachelorette!

 

 

 

AHHHH Hi Ladies!

 

Sorry I’m replying literally five days later I’ve been so busy at work and forwarding this email to everyone I know complaining about you! Paris is not a viable option for everyone, Ali, we don’t all have rich boyfriends sooooo fuck you.

 

nyway literally so excited about Jen’s bachelorette weekend!!! It would be super fun and chill if we could do the cabin house and here’s why: some of Jen’s cousins and friends from her high school years will probably feel more comfortable there… BUT OBVI like that so sucks so if just us 5 wanna go to SoPortugal like, another weekend, I can totally do both!!! Just looking out for everyone!!! Do we wanna do the cabin??? Let me know your thoughts.

 

lso for the summer I’m available to so the weekend of July 14,15 or August 29,30 but I’ll have to leave early on the 30th because I have a thing.

 

HOPE THIS WORKS AHHHHH CAN’T WAIT TO SEE EVERYONEEEEE!!!!

 

– Katie

 

—————

 

To: Katie

 

CC: <Kate Work>; Allison; charlotte.smith857@gmail.com; Lily; Hannah; Caitlin; Morgan L.; Ali

 

From: Ashley

 

Date: March 23rd, 2013

 

Subject: Jen’s Bachelorette!

 

Hi Ladies!

 

Yes! Amazing. I am super in. As much as I love the cabin we should definitely do SoPu because this is a special occasion…(hopefully) JEN IS ONLY GONNA DO THIS ONCE!

 

I am free in late June…other weekends would be hard for me to go.

 

Love it, love you!

 

Ash

 

—————–

 

To: Ashley

 

CC: Katie; <Kate Work>; Allison; charlotte.smith857@gmail.com; Lily; Hannah; Caitlin; Morgan L.

 

From: Ali

 

Date: March 26th, 2013

 

Subject: Re:Jen’s Bachelorette!

 

Hey pretty ladies,

 

There are soooooo many people’s schedules to accommodate, lol!  It looks like August 30th- September 2nd works for everyone!!!! Jen is REALLLLLLLLY excited!

 

South Portugal it is!!!!  It should be SO cheap when we’re there because tapas are tiny and I hear we only have to tip 5% there.

 

For plane tickets – I haven’t done any research, but here are some links to “travel websites” – http://www.expedia.com

 

Also – for hotels we should look into http://www.hotels.com – I heard they have some good deals!

 

YAY THIS IS GONNA BE SO FUNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!

 

ps – We better brush up on our Spanish for Portugal!!!!!!!

 

-Ali

 

 

“It’s a Wednesday night baby and I’m alive!” – Lena Dunham, Girls

 

————-

 

To: Ali

 

CC: <Kate Work>; Allison; charlotte.smith857@gmail.com; Lily; Hannah; Caitlin; Ashley; Morgan L.

 

From: Katie

 

Date: March 29th, 2013

 

Subject: Re: Re: Jen’s Bachelorette!

 

 

Hey ladies,

 

am loving all of this!!!! Thanks Ali for really taking the lead here!!!! You’re so lucky you don’t need to work!! Jealz.

 

A few things: I can definitely COME, but I’ll get there sooo late on the 30th so is this okay? Also not sure if I can get out of work on the 3rd but there’s a $1763.00 price increase to fly home on the 2nd so let me update you when I figure it out, I really hope my boss isn’t being a total bitch and tells me I can’t take a (totally legal) day off …. thus forcing me to miss this FAB trip!

 

omething that Jen really wants to do is go to a cute bar. Are there any cute bars in the area?? I did a quick google of cute bars in south Portugal but I’ll have to cross check with yelp reviews. Do bars have the same grading system there as they do in NYC? Gonna be amaze.

 

LSO!!! (Sorry for the novel email btw)

 

It’s not too late to change plans. We COULLLLLD go to the cabin house with everyone and make it really cute (skinny girl margs anyone??) and do south Portugal in a few years??? (maybe right before Jen and Rob start trying for a baby / when we all start making more money?)

 

BUT DEF let me know, open thread here ladies!!! Anyone’s ideas are welcome 🙂 how about the weekend of July 14th?

 

hat’s it from me! LMK.  

 

Love you all so much and can’t wait to see you pretty girls!!!!!!! Xoxoxoox

 

– Katie

 

————-

 

To: Katie

 

CC: <Kate Work>; Allison; charlotte.smith857@gmail.com; Lily; Hannah; Caitlin; Ashley;; Ali

 

From: Lily

 

Date: March 30th, 2013

 

Subject: Re: FWD: Jen’s Bachelorette!

 

Hi Ladies!  We’re set for SoPu!!!!  I just bought everyone’s ticket already, LOL, so you can each just paypal me what you owe me. Does anyone know if our hotel will have sheets and blankets and towels and flat irons or should we bring with???  LMK!  – Lily

 

ps – Attached is a spreadsheet of gifts I think everyone should buy for the bride!

 

—————

 

To: Lily

 

CC: <Kate Work>;; charlotte.smith857@gmail.com; Lily; Hannah; Caitlin; Ashley; Katie; Ali

 

From: Allison

 

Date: March 30th, 2013

 

Subject: Re: Jen’s Bachelorette!

 

AMAZE!!!  Does anyone know how to get to the airport in NYC???????????

 

<3, Allison

 

————–

 

To: Allison

 

CC: <Kate Work>; Allison; charlotte.smith857@gmail.com; Lily; Hannah; Caitlin; Ashley; Morgan L.; Ali

 

From: Katie

 

Date: April 2nd, 2013

 

Subject: Re: Re: Jen’s Bachelorette!

 

Hi ladies!

 

Okay so this sounds SO fun! Glad we were able to get everything worked out to accommodate everyone’s needs and schedules! So great. SoPu will be the best, I think Jen will really love it!

 

Thanks to Lily for purchasing tickets that go back on the 2nd. Not sure if you saw my previous email about there being a 1500 dollar cheaper ticket if we flew home a day later BUT I understand people have lives and jobs to get back to, lol, such busy girls we are! Life moves fast!

 

I did a quick check on the hotel site and it looks like the suite we are getting has all of the sheets and bedding we need BUT I can’t imagine what kind of action goes down in those beds so on the safe side, if everyone wants, we can each pack a separate suitcase with all of that stuff. Don’t wanna take chances! It is an extra $75 per suitcase on the flight but I think it will be worth it. Since there are 9 of us, I think we should be safe with 4 flat irons so LMK via email who is bringing one (and don’t forget to reply all).

 

FOR PACKING. Not sure of the weather so make sure you bring the following:

 

bikini if the hotel has a pool (indoor or outdoor)

 

going out bag (mini) for clubs, big bag for day trips

 

tanning oil

 

a coat if it gets cold

 

cute scarves??

 

comfortable shoes but also heels for night time

 

Jen mentioned hiking???? but i dont want to do that

 

Jill, do you still get perscribed ritalin??? i will pay you for some

 

nail polish remover/nail polish (in case we need to touch up manis, not sure if SoPu has nail salons

 

phone charger that will work outside the US (google this, not sure)

 

xanax for the plane

 

 

 

Am I forgetting anything??

 

Countdown is onnnnn: CANNOT WAITTTTTTTTTTTTT.

 

-Katie

 

————–

 

To: Katie

 

CC: <Kate Work>; Allison; charlotte.smith857@gmail.com; Lily; Hannah; Caitlin; Ashley; Morgan L.

 

From: Ali

 

Date: April 3rd, 2013

 

Subject: Re: Re: Re: FWD: Jen’s Bachelorette!

 

Hi Ladies!!!

 

There are TOO MANY EMAILS going around!!

 

– Ali

 

 

“It’s a Wednesday night baby and I’m alive!” – Lena Dunham, Girls

 

————-

 

To: Ali

 

CC: <Kate Work>;; charlotte.smith857@gmail.com; Hannah; Caitlin; Ashley; Katie

 

From: Lily

 

Date: April 3rd, 2013

 

Subject: Re: RE:  Jen’s Bachelorette!

 

Agreed!!!  Let’s only respond to each person directly!

 

– lily

 

———–

 

To: <Kate Work>;; charlotte.smith857@gmail.com; Hannah; Caitlin; Ashley; Katie: Lily

 

From: Ali

 

Date: July 23rd, 2013

 

Subject: AMAZING TIMEEEEEEEEEE

 

SoPu was SICK!

 

First off, sorry I drank too much! i feel like my limits are dif over international waters!

 

:/ You guys are like my sisters!!!  (If I had sisters I’d refer to them as “you whore” and never their names).

 

I’m going through our pics now and can’t wait to tag all of you!  Just a heads up, I will only pay attention to the ones where I look hot and you might look unflattering but I’ll say you look cute!

 

Does anyone remember Marcos’ last name????  No bigs, but he’s not returning my texts and I may have mono!  (Sorry again to Katie for locking you out of the room!)

 

xoxoxoxo

 

PS — Can you guys send me checks for the remaining $$ you owe me from the trip?  Can’t wait to see you all at the wedding!!!!!!

 

-Ali

 

—-

 

“But you’re an animal/Baby it’s in your nature..” – Robin Thicke

 

The next one is HEY LADIES! Halloween — one of our favorites. Published October 2013 in The Toast.

 

To: Allison; charlotte.smith857@gmail.com; Caitlin; Ashley; Nicole S; Morgan L.; Jen; Ali

From: Katie

Date: October 4, 2013

Subject: Halloween is comingggggg…..

 

Hey ladies, 

 

Can you believe it’s fall? I’m literally dying. Also NY weather is so weird – can we wear coats yet? This is the stuff that plagues me, but I have a really cute army green jacket I’m dying to wear! Zara!

 

 So brunch was so so so so so super fun. Did I tell you guys that waiter ended up texting me? I obv did not answer but I think I screenshot the text over when it happened (did I???? let me know, i can send it again!)

 

 The thing is….like……….. I feel like I could definitely easily date him (lol jk but I prob could)  but 2013 is my year of positive growth and change and that means no relationships. Like, if I wanted a random text I’d reactivate my okCupid.

 

 ANYWAY. Halloween. It’s coming up and I really think it’s important to be ready for it this year. I know we barely got our shit together last year and I would really like to avoid the same thing this time around. Honestly we’re nearing 30 and this will eventually no longer be cute so we need to YOLO while it lasts.

 

 So what I am saying is this is really important to me. Please send me back your ideas (honestly I am slammed at work and have no time to think of anything! Love my job. Miss my life), but I know you girls can give this brainstorm the time and dedication it needs.

 

 you girls are amaze. let me know what you think, I’ll veto accordingly and we’ll go from there.

 

 loves ya,

 

 katie

 

To: Ali; Allison; charlotte.smith857@gmail.com; Caitlin; Ashley; Nicole S; Morgan L.; Jen

From: Katie

Date: October 4, 2013

Subject: Halloween is comingggggg…..

 

Girls! Circling back on this! Any ideas? I’d love it if you all could take this seriously thanks!!!

 

To: Katie; Allison; charlotte.smith857@gmail.com; Caitlin; Ashley; Nicole S; Morgan L.; Jen

From:Ali

Date: October 4, 2013

Subject: Halloween is comingggggg…..

 

Hey Ladies!!!

 

This is so funny, I literally had a Halloween email draft going, but I was TOO crazed at work to actually send it!! 

 

You’re so lucky your job doesn’t entail being a major content producer like mine does. Producing content is SO vital yet SO exhausting. So THANK YOU Katie for getting the ball rolling! 

 

That’s so hilar the waiter texted you!! DrunKatie gives her number to everyone!!! LOLOLOLOL

 

I’ve literally been compiling ideas on google docs/my secret fantasy-life Pinterest all year long and these are the best!!

 

 #CrushingHalloween2013 Costumes!

 

 Miley and her group of teddy bear/furries – Note: I get to be Miley cause it was my idea and I have a Miley Thinspirational Board going already 😉 Plus, I think it would be really fun to all dress up as teddy bears together, so cute!!

 

 BLING RING!

 

 GIRLS — I’ll be Marnie (everyone says I look like Allison Williams), Nicole can be Jessa since she’s our bohemian ;), Morgan can be Shoshannah since she looks the most Jewish, and Katie can be Hannah Horvath since you’re the most sexually open-minded! 😉

 

 Classics: Catholic school girls, flight attendants, cats, Spice Girls (I call NOT being Sporty Spice!), and Charlie’s Angels (HAHAH we can totally do the Charlie’s Angels pose in pics LOLOL)

 

#CrushingHalloween2013 Parties!

 

Where are we partying?? I’m a little stressed out about this!!!!

 

Everyone submit their parties to me and I’ll pick the best ones of the night!!

 

Thematically, we want to aim for something in the key of Tribeca loft party of ibankers dressed up with their friends as characters from TOP GUN. 

 

Write me back ASAP!!!!!

 

XXXXX Ali

 

 —-

 

“You’re gonna miss me by my walk

You’re gonna miss me by my talk, oh

You’re gonna miss me when I’m gone”

 

– Anna Kendrick, Cups

 

To: Ali; Allison; charlotte.smith857@gmail.com; Caitlin; Ashley; Nicole S; Morgan L.; Jen

From:Katie

Date: October 4, 2013

Subject: Halloween is comingggggg…..

 

Ali!

 

You’re SUCH a Leo! I totally want to give you a well-deserved break from planning and take this one off your hands. 

 

Your suggestions are great but a little tired (no offense, like literally none). Miley and the bears is cute but since I have her body type I think I should be able to be Miley. Lol AGAIN NO OFFENSE. 

 

Girls – idk. While it’s true that Morgan looks very Jewish I think it’s best we steer away from dressing up as anything too niche. Not everyone’s dad has HBOgo for them to steal!! Haha.  Do we maybe wanna do housewives?????? Nicole has the forehead for Teresa!!!!!!

 

We need something original and really cute. Like…sexy weather??? This is really stressing me out. 

 

Honestly Ali come up with some ideas for where to party and I’ll be the one to veto. I’ll be really disappointed if we phone it in and go as cats again. 

 

PS. Who has the new iPhone??

 

To: Katie; Allison; charlotte.smith857@gmail.com; Ali; Ashley; Nicole S; Morgan L.; Jen

From: Caitlin

Date: October 6, 2013

Subject: Halloween is comingggggg…..

 

Hiii Ladiessss!

 

Sounds amazing!!!!!!!

 

I for one agree with Katie that we should go as something “original” and “cute.” What if we went as sexy Breaking Bad characters??

 

LOVE YA BBs.

 

Caitlin

 

To: Katie; Allison; charlotte.smith857@gmail.com; Ali; Ashley; Nicole S; Caitlin.; Jen

From: Morgan L

Date: October 6, 2013

Subject: Halloween is comingggggg…..

 

💞💞💞💞💞

 

Right??

 

To: Katie; Allison; charlotte.smith857@gmail.com; Caitlin; Ashley; Ali; Morgan L.; Jen

From: Nicole

Date: October 7, 2013

Subject: Halloween is comingggggg…..

 

Hiii girls!!!

 

OMG MORGAN! We can’t read emojis on email, remember!!!!

 

SORRY it took me SO LONG to write back — my neighbor’s WiFi has been touch and go 🙂

 

I’m SO EXCITED FOR HALLOWEEN!!!!!! We are going to crush it so hard this year!!!!!!

 

Hmm…I also like the idea about original and really cute costumes! So what about….

 

(are you ready??)

 

(anticipation building…)

 

(Cue Jock Jams’ “Are You Ready For This”!!!!!!!!!)

 

What if we went as BRIDESMAIDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Like for instance, we all wore our bridesmaid dresses we got for Jen’s wedding!!!!!!! FUN!!!!!!!! Here’s the thing — Bridesmaids are super on trend this fall because of the movie BRIDESMAIDS. Plus bridesmaids also happen to be dudes’ #1 sex fetish as well, according to Glamour’s Ask Jake. Must be cause guys get really turned on by the idea of weddings and marriage, I think??

 

 LETS DO THIS!!!!

 

 <3 Nicole

 

 ps– If any of you are upgrading to the new iPhone and want to get rid of your old one I can trade you or a coupon book good for 10 backrubs!! LMK!!!!!!!!

 

To: Katie; Allison; charlotte.smith857@gmail.com; Caitlin; Ashley; Nicole; Morgan L.; Jen

From: Ali

Date: October 7, 2013

Subject: Halloween is comingggggg…..

 

Hi Ladies!!

 

 Ok first off, LOL Nicole — I haven’t seen my bridesmaid dress since I left it at Jen’s hot young uncle’s suite at the W. I mean I guess I could text him??? 

 

 Real Housewives, ugh. I think my mom did that one five years ago. Next!

 

Seriously, ladies. This is REALLY important. Between all our friends getting engaged and what’s going on in the world in the wake of the government shut down and all international news, we all need this. So let’s be like Kate and Leo and MAKE IT COUNT.

 

If I don’t hear back from you guys by COB I’m Etsy-ing Miley and the bears costumes. We really need to get a move on this.

 

XOXOXOXO Ali

 

—–

Sent from my gold iPhone 5S, bitches

 

To: Ali; Allison; charlotte.smith857@gmail.com; Caitlin; Ashley; Ali; Morgan L.; Jen

From: Katie

Date: October 7, 2013

Subject: Halloween is comingggggg…..

 

Nicole,

 

I’m trying to take the lead on this and experiencing some push back with Ali here. Why the fuck is she so bitchy

 

To: Ali; Allison; charlotte.smith857@gmail.com; Caitlin; Ashley; Ali; Morgan L.; Jen

From:Katie

Date: October 7, 2013

Subject: Halloween is comingggggg…..

 

Did not mean to reply all

 

To: Katie; Allison; charlotte.smith857@gmail.com; Caitlin; Ashley; Nicole; Morgan L.; Jen

From: Ali

Date: October 7, 2013

Subject: Halloween is comingggggg…..

 

????????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!?????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

—–

“Cause when you diss Dre you diss yourself” – Dr.  Dre

 

To: Katie; Allison; charlotte.smith857@gmail.com; Caitlin; Ashley; Nicole; Morgan L.; Jen

From: Ali

Date: October 8, 2013

Subject: Halloween is comingggggg…..

 

Hi Ladies!!!

 

 Wow, Katie. Did someone forget to take her Midol??! LOLOLOL. It’s so funny cause I usually PMS around the 15th — I thought you girls were all synced up to me since I’m on the pill??? Whatever, that’s neither here nor there. Hope you’re feeling better babe. 

 

So I was a bit stressed with all these upsetting emails at first, but I just got back from a great session with my soul cycling instructor/therapist and bottom line is I need to listen to what my lower back tattoo says in Sanskrit and JUST BREATHE. Anyway, Tiff suggested that I delegate and I think that’s a great idea!!! I think you guys will like what I came up with, it caters to everyone’s strengths! 🙂

 

Miley & The Bears #CrushingHalloween2013 Task List

 

Ash — Research and book appointments for day of mani/pedi/spray tan/teeth whitening/Brazilians

 

Morgan – Find out how many make-up artists and blow-out artists we will need for the pre-party. Can your work husband do some Excel modeling to figure out the CPM and ROI?

 

Nicole – Can we get a vodka sponsorship for the night?? Ask your boss!! Between us all I bet we can deliver anywhere from 100-120 social media impressions

 

 Charlotte – Look into an Uber/pedicab sponsorship

 

Katie – Sock bun research. I’m leaning towards sock buns for all of us, and would LOVE if you can find the best type of sock!! Maybe hit up Costco and Target as well as small eco-friendly locally sourced sock stores as well? Then you can report back your findings!!

 

Also, no bigs, but has anyone been invited to any parties yet?? 

 

Love ya!

 

Ali (aka Miley!)

 

ps – Hope you’re feeling better Katie. I was just watching Felicity on DVD and there’s this part where she cuts her hair short like a boy and it would look AMAZING on you, you should totally get that haircut!!!  I WISH I could pull it off!!  LMK!!!

 

—–

“Sent from my gold iPhone 5S bitches”

 

To: Ali; Allison; charlotte.smith857@gmail.com; Caitlin; Ashley; Nicole; Morgan L.; Jen

From: Katie

Date: October 8, 2013

Subject: Halloween is comingggggg…..

 

 Hey ladies,

 

Thanks for being so understanding of my e-outburst lol. It’s just that things at work have been so cray. If you told me a year ago that I’d be looking at two job offers for 6 figures each (plus benefits and stock options) I’d be like what? Are you high? But here we are. Plus that and the fact that my new apartment still needs to be furnished and Crate&Barrel still hasn’t figured out how to send me their catalog to my new address (it’s like hello I want to give you my money). Idk. I’ve just been in such a place. 

 

Also on the topic of cycles I’m late soooo??? (??????)

 

Luckily you have the flex in your life to understand my struggles. I am SUCH A LUCKY GIRL. 

 

I’m fine with the Miley idea I guess. Ali you seem so into it and far be it from me to rob you from something that seems to just, like, fulfill you!! 

 

I can definitely handle sock bun research but my recommendation is that we all do a test run at a trustworthy salon (Morgan no offense but whoever you got to do hair for Jen’s wedding was incompetent as shit I looked like a drowned rat but Morgan obv your messy bun looked amazing I just think we could look outside the box a little more I mean this is MANHATTAN??)

 

Huge Hugs bitches,

 

Katie

 

To: Ali; Allison; charlotte.smith857@gmail.com; Caitlin; Katie; Nicole; Morgan L.; Jen

From: Ashley

Date: October 9, 2013

Subject: Halloween is comingggggg…..

 

Awwwww, my period’s late too!!!!!!!! Twinsies!!!!!! lol

 

xxAsh

 

To: Ali; Allison; charlotte.smith857@gmail.com; Caitlin; Katie; Ashley; Morgan L.; Jen

From:Nicole

Date: October 9, 2013

Subject: Halloween is comingggggg…..

 

OH GOD MINE TOO!!!!! What if we all went as Juno instead????

 

 We are SO Sex and the City!!!!

 

-Nicole

 

ps – Thanks for giving me your old iphone Katie!! Woot!!! Can’t wait to try Shazam!!!!!!!!!

 

To:Nicole; Allison; charlotte.smith857@gmail.com; Caitlin; Katie; Ashley; Morgan L.; Jen

 

From:Ali

Date: October 9, 2013

Subject: Halloween is comingggggg…..

 

Hi Ladies!

 

 OMG, ok any chance you can take all your late period talk offline I don’t want it spamming everyone’s  inboxes. I’m here if any of you girls need me though. I’m really great in a crisis.

 

 K, I’ve ordered your fuzzy bear costumes from a seamstress in India off eBay. I had to guesstimate your measurements, so don’t hate! You all owe me $120 each, just paypal me please by COB.

 

 How’s everyone’s research coming along???????? I figured out how to do read receipts in gmail so I KNOW you all are seeing this, answer me girls! LOLOLOL!!!!!

 

xoxoxoxoxo

 

 Ali

 

—–

“Sent from my gold iPhone 5S bitches”

 

To: Nicole; Allison; charlotte.smith857@gmail.com; Caitlin; Ali; Ashley; Morgan L.; Jen

From: Katie

Date: October 9, 2013

Subject: Halloween is comingggggg…..

 

Okay Hey Ladies,

 

Official countdown to Halloween is on, let’s not forget the mishap of 2010 it’s like I can’t even look a lycra the same anymore. I put us all in a 6am Soul Cycle on the 30th and then just like, don’t eat for 24 hours and we should be good (we’ll totes drunk brunch on Nov 1st yayzies).

 

Ali thanks for ordering the costumes, $120 seems a little steep for something we will only wear once (unless any of you are into freaky shit ha! Nicole that’s a subtweet 2 u!!!) but I mean, you already ordered it, so…will PayPal you soon. Also for the record it’s not that I don’t have the money (I do) but I am reading a Suze Orman book and just generally trying to be better with my choices but totally understand we’re not all in that same mature place so I am very go with the flow about this!! You know me, laid back!!

 

Also, no offense, but everyone in this group has different hair types so please figure out your sock bun remedy on your own time, I don’t have the broadband to deal with this right now!! AGAIN SO BUSY WITH WORK BUT love you all for supporting me LOLOL don’t worry you’ll be in my shoes eventch!!!

 

OKAY so yayyyy halloweeen!!! love this!!!!!!! so glad we can still have fun as adults i think that’s so important.

 

love you ladies 🙂

 

email back ASAP w. plans for your hair just want to make sure nothing falls through the cracks…google docs???? what is dropbox again???

 

XOOXOXOXOXOOX, katie

 

 To: Nicole; Allison; charlotte.smith857@gmail.com; Caitlin; Katie; Ashley; Morgan L.; Jen

From:Ali

Date: October 30, 2013

Subject: Halloween is comingggggg…..

 

LADIES I FOUND WHERE WE ARE GOING!!!

 

The West Village is doing a Halloween Parade and I’m sure we will meet TONS of dudes there! I really wanna go!

 

XOXO.

 

Ali

 

—–

“Sent from my gold iPhone 5S bitches”

 

To: Nicole; Allison; charlotte.smith857@gmail.com; Caitlin; Katie; Ashley; Ali.; Jen

From:Morgan L

Date: October 30, 2013

Subject: Halloween is comingggggg…..

 

YAYAY can’t wait!!!!!! Are we wearing push-up bras?? Will it even show through our bear costumes??

 

Our twitter/insta hashtag will be: #FurryGirls

 

To: Nicole; Allison; charlotte.smith857@gmail.com; Caitlin; Katie; Ashley; Ali.; Jen

From:Morgan L

Date: November 1, 2013

Subject: Halloween is comingggggg…..

 

Hey Ladies!!! OMG had sooooo much fun at the pre-party with you!!!! How was the West Village parade???

 

Sorry I ran out when Mike texted me – he just really wanted to see my Miley costume and could only put my name on the list for Avenue!!!

 

Did your costumes make sense without me there or did everyone think you were like just grown women dressed up as the Three Little Bears or something LOL?? Can I come to brunch?????

 

xo, Ali

 

ps- I’ll send you an invoice for all the food I bought for the pre-party once I count up the receipts!

 

—–

“Sent from my gold iPhone 5S bitches” 

 

This one, from November 2013 on The Toast, is about when the girls start a book club. Sorry, they “start” a “book club”. 

To: Ali; Allison; charlotte.smith857@gmail.com; Caitlin; Ashley; Nicole S; Morgan L.; Jen; Gracie (work)

From: Katie

Date: November 4, 2013

Subject: LADIES it’s november

 

Hey ladies,

 

Halloween success? I think so. I thought Orange is the New Black was a great choice at the end. I’m sorry for being bitchy about it that night and the 30 days prior to Halloween but the holidays always stress me out 🙂 You know how it is! 

 

Oh also as a side note: I ended up taking the new position!! The one that pays more money (ahhh). So maybs we can pull together a brunch or drinks? Will someone send that email (there’s something really desp about sending your own email for this kind of thing).

 

So this may sound super weird but I noticed that book clubs are trending, and I think we should start one. 

 

We can like pick a book, read it, and then like hang out and drink wine and talk about it??

 

IDEAS FOR BOOKS:

 

Something Borrowed (the movie is so good!!), Tuesdays With Morrie (sad and I hear it’s a classic), Catch-22 (????), On The Road (always reminds me of that guy I dated that moved to Wyoming to start a hemp farm)

 

BOOKS BY STRONG WOMEN ARE REALLY TRENDING RIGHT NOW: Lean In (forget who wrote it but she’s friends with the Facebook CEO), A Place Of Yes by Bethenny Frankel!! She also wrote Skinnydipping which I read but would read again (so so so good, who knew she could write).

 

Okay so when we pick (send your votes!) we can figure out a schedule (a chapter a week or whatever) and then figure out a place to meet and talk about it and then also pick who brings what (would be cute to do like mimosas and croissants?)

 

EMAIL ME BACK ASAP want to do this before Hanukkah starts.

 

x’s and o’s for days,

 

Katie

 

To: Ali; Katie; Allison; charlotte.smith857@gmail.com; Caitlin; Ashley; Nicole S; Jen; Gracie (work)

From: Morgan

Date: November 4, 2013

Subject: RE: LADIES it’s november

 

Hey girlies! I love this idea!! Tuesdays and Sunday afternoons work best for me. But I can also make Mondays work if we do it after 10:30p LOL. Might be able to make Wednesdays work too depending on my therapist’s schedule.  Saturday and Thursday and Friday might work also, depending on the week.

 

Those are great book suggestions!! My faves of them are either Lean In or Tuesdays with Morrie!! I can do some research and see if Oprah has any recent picks via O Magazine or OWN.

 

Some other ideas too off the top of my head: Eat Pray Love, The Four Hour Work Week, He’s Just Not That Into You – I mean.  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Or what about something gearing up for the holidays?? Like the screenplay of Love, Actually??

 

Can’t wait!!!

 

Morgan

 

To: Morgan L; Ali; Katie; Allison; charlotte.smith857@gmail.com; Caitlin; Ashley; Nicole S; Jen

From: Gracie (work)

Date: November 6, 2013

Subject: RE: LADIES it’s november

 

Hey all,

 

This is actually a really good idea. At my old job, we had a monthly book club and it was a really great way to not only force yourself to commit to a book but also to get to know the people you work with. Would love to start doing this as a group. 

 

I have NW by Zadie Smith on my list as well as The Circle by Dave Eggers. I’d rather stay away from Lean In 🙂 but let me know if either of those titles sound appealing. I have NW on my kindle and can share the book with anyone who has a kindle or the kindle app on their phone, if cost is at all a concern! 

 

Thanks for including me 🙂 Gracie 

 

To: Gracie (work); Morgan L; Ali; Katie; Allison; charlotte.smith857@gmail.com; Caitlin; Ashley; Jen

From: Nicole

Date: November 8, 2013

Subject: RE: LADIES it’s november

 

Hiiii girls! Aww, thanks for offering to share NW with all of us, but I gotta be honest. I read her essay on The Social Network and while she does possess a unique perspective of attending Harvard during the Golden Age of Natalie Portman/Zuckerberg/Winkleviimania, I think we can all agree her viewpoint was reductive and filled with ideological fallacies.

 

I think we should read A People’s History of the United States. Or Dave Barry Does Japan.

 

Luv, Nicole

 

To: Nicole; Gracie (work); Morgan L; Ali; Allison; charlotte.smith857@gmail.com; Caitlin; Ashley; Jen

From: Katie

Date: November 9, 2013

Subject: RE: LADIES it’s november

 

Hi ladies, Nicole where did you lift that first sentence from, like, Wikipedia? 

 

Okay everyone has such amazing ideas but I think we should either do:

 

Lean In or Love, Actually screenplay (seasonal is fun!!!!!!! Plus there are so many levels in that movie because it’s literally about like 8 different love stories and in one of them the woman doesn’t even speak English! so torrid…)

 

What about Angela’s Ashes????????? Wait has anyone read The Carrie Diaries???? Also wherever we get together can we make sure the place is completely gluten free??????? 

 

Ali are you reading these???? Lol

 

Xoxoxoxoox 

 

Katie

 

To: Katie; Nicole; Gracie (work); Morgan L; Allison; charlotte.smith857@gmail.com; Caitlin; Ashley; Jen

From: Ali

Date: November 11, 2013

Subject: RE: LADIES it’s november

 

Hey BETCHES,

 

All these ideas sound great!! Katie is such an AMAZING planner, can’t wait to see how it all turns out!!

 

I would love to read whatever book you choose. My only teeny tiny request is that we lock down a time ASAP. My calendar is booking up what with all the holiday parties and benefits and galas I’lll be attending as Mike’s +1. You can email my intern some times and she should be able to help you out. Also, it would be really fun to eat clean and holistically while coordinating with the theme of whatever book we choose. I’m reading this really fun book right now that I “borrowed” from Mike hahaha he’s gonna have to see me soon to get it back hahha. Anyway, it’s by Sun Tzu and I HIGHLY recommend it.

 

X Ali

 

—-

 

“The supreme art of war is to subdue the enemy without fighting.” – Sun Tzu, The Art of War

 

To: Ali; Katie; Nicole; Gracie (work); Morgan L; Allison; charlotte.smith857@gmail.com; Caitlin; Jen

From: Ashley

Date: November 12, 2013

Subject: RE: LADIES it’s november

 

Ladies,

 

Can we do a Tuesday in December???????? I’m trying to do yoga everyday before and after work so I can just let go on thanksgiving day hahah (Ahhh I’m so fucking fat). 

 

Ash

 

To: Ashley; Ali; Katie; Nicole; Gracie (work); Allison; charlotte.smith857@gmail.com; Caitlin; Jen

From: Morgan

Date: November 13, 2013

Subject: RE: LADIES it’s november

 

Yeah!!!! Tuesdays in November works great for me!!!!!!

 

Let’s make cute flans!!!!!!!

 

LUV, 

 

Morgan

 

To: Morgan; Ashley; Ali; Katie; Gracie (work); Allison; charlotte.smith857@gmail.com; Caitlin; Jen

From: Nicole

Date: November 13, 2013

Subject: RE: LADIES it’s november

 

Tuesdays in November!!!! WOOT!!! 

 

Should we do it at someone’s apartment?? Who has more than two chairs???

 

xo,

 

Nicole

 

To: Morgan L; Ali; Katie; Allison; charlotte.smith857@gmail.com; Caitlin; Ashley; Nicole S; Jen

From: Gracie (work)

Date: November 15, 2013

Subject: RE: LADIES it’s november

 

Hey guys, Seems like we have to work out some scheduling kinks. But any more ideas on books?

 

I was thinking – beautiful ruins by Jess Walter is supposedly great. Anyone read any good reviews? Open to trying something off the beaten path. 

 

Gracie 

 

To: Gracie (work); Morgan L; Ali; Allison; charlotte.smith857@gmail.com; Caitlin; Ashley; Nicole S; Jen

From: Gracie (work)

Date: November 15, 2013

Subject: RE: LADIES it’s november

 

Ladies, Renting furniture…….should I? I can get a chaise lounge brought in if we do it at my apartment. 

 

Katie 

 

PS thanks so so SOOOO much for saying i am a good planner ali!! means the world to hear it from you!!!!!

 

To: Katie; Gracie (work); Morgan L; Ali; Allison; Caitlin; Ashley; Nicole S; Jen

From: charlotte.smith857@gmail.com

Date: November 15, 2013

Subject: RE: LADIES it’s november

 

WAIT!!!! HOLD. EVERYTHING. 

 

NEW YEAR’S EVE. 

 

What are we doing?????????

 

Write back,

 

Charlotte 

 

To: Katie; Gracie (work); Morgan L; Allison; Caitlin; Ashley; Nicole S; Jen; charlotte.smith857@gmail.com

From: Ali

Date: November 17, 2013

Subject: RE: LADIES it’s november

 

Hello ladies!!

 

hahha, been working on New Year’s Eve plans for MONTHS silly!!!!  This is my signature event and you girls will NOT be disappointed!!!  Start saving and getting vaccinated now!!!

 

In the meanwhile, for the “book club event” — I think renting furniture is a great idea! Where do we stand on sushi rollers and smoothie artists to man the blender? And is there a final book yet? A true leader knows when to be decisive, right Katie?

 

We busy ladies will need time to read it of course. I’ll prob do all my reading during squats at the gym. I do so many and get down really low, so the book will practically read itself. 

 

Loves!

 

Ali

 

 

“We’re bigger than we ever dreamed,

And I’m in love with being queen.” – Lorde

 

To: Ali; Katie; Gracie (work); Morgan L; Allison; Caitlin; Nicole S; Jen; charlotte.smith857@gmail.com

From: Ashley

Date: November 20, 2013

Subject: RE: LADIES it’s november

 

Hi Ladies!

 

Do we know if The Holiday with Cameron Diaz and Kate Winslet was based on a book???

 

Can someone do a google??

 

Love!

 

Ash

 

To: Morgan L; Ali; Katie; Allison; charlotte.smith857@gmail.com; Caitlin; Ashley; Nicole S; Jen

From: Gracie (work)

Date: November 21, 2013

Subject: RE: LADIES it’s november

 

So I started reading The Circle on my Kindle. Anyone wanna borrow? We can be more casual about it no need for a big thing. 

 

Gracie

 

To: Gracie (work); Morgan L; Ali; Allison; charlotte.smith857@gmail.com; Caitlin; Ashley; Nicole S; Jen

From: Katie

Date: November 23, 2013

Subject: RE: LADIES it’s november

 

Yeah…so…I think we are def over the book club idea. 

 

So yes. New Years!!!!! Okay. I wanna do something good this year and that does not mean the LES (like I’m sorry, but LITTTERALLY no). 

 

Thoughts???? Wouldn’t mind paying a lot for a GOOD party. 

 

xoxoox 2014 is going to be our best year yet!

 

Katie

 

Based on the column of the same name that appeared in The Toast, Hey Ladies! is a laugh-out-loud read that follows a fictitious group of eight 20-and-30-something female friends for one year of holidays, summer house rentals, dates, brunches, breakups, and, of course, the planning of a disastrous wedding. This instantly relatable story is told entirely through emails, texts, DMs, and every other form of communication known to man.

The women in the book are stand-ins for annoying friends that we all have. There’s Nicole, who’s always broke and tries to pay for things in Forever21 gift cards. There’s Katie, the self-important budding journalist, who thinks a retweet and a byline are the same thing. And there’s Jen, the DIY suburban bride-to-be. With a perfectly pitched sardonic tone, Hey Ladies! will have you cringing and laughing as you recognize your own friends, and even yourself.